It’s hard being a parent.  I was never really prepared for it and I’m still not.  But we muddle through the best we can.

My wife is traveling so I toggle between Mr. Mom or Sgt. Dad.  I love both my daughters very dearly.  Try to relate to them in a balanced way, giving them enough independence yet setting limits and giving them guidance.  I’m sure they disagree.  I get angry maybe too often.

A 10-th grade boy asked my 9-th grade daughter out to dinner last night.  Although it was Sunday, it was not a school night.  So Mr. Mom decided to let her be.  But I agonized over it.  When she came back, I decided to tell her how difficult the decision had been for me and why.

I mostly worry about safety.  Hate their taste for roaming the streets.  Alcohol is at the top of my list of foes.  And then, there’s teenage driving.  I unfortunately know the statistics and the stories too well.  I’ve given them Uber accounts so they will never have to get in a car just because there’s no alternative transportation.

But I realize they are independent individuals who have their own lives, their own characters.  I don’t own them.  I am just another character in the story of their lives, maybe a critical one, but clearly not their boss or their master.

My wife and I have discussed lifestyle and messaging a few times but have punted to the future arguing that they’re still too young.  I’m uncomfortable with that even though this blog remains unknown to them.  One day very likely they will get a chance to read old dad’s writings.  I fear they may hate me for it, but then, I am who I am regardless of who thinks what about me.

I am very clear that I will not be a hypocrite and peddle Middle Class Morality to them and I will let them make their own choices.  I will certainly not peddle polyamory to them either.  The same has been true about religion.  They were both baptized Catholic but that’s where we stopped.  Never did their first communion although they know the story of Jesus for the most part as literature on par with other ancient writings.  I do promote in them the idea of spiritual life and the existence of a reality beyond our 5 senses that connects us to all life in the universe.  I think they like that and gives them some comfort.

My 11-year old loves games.  Beyond our dog, I think her second favorite thing in the world is her iPad.  This weekend, we had many rounds of Truth or Dare (from the iPhone), from which she mostly likes to do truths.  When I was chosen to disclose the three wishes I would ask the genie in the bottle, decided to taunt her a little by choosing one of them to be having my favorite jazz singer as my girlfriend.  For several years, we’ve joked about that since we used to see her pretty much every Sunday. Later that night during another round of truth or dare, she explicitly utilized a question to ask me if I had cheated on Mommy.  I decided to answer that I have my girlfriends but Mommy knows about it so it’s not really cheating, is it?

Recently my 14-year old had a boyfriend with whom she wanted to break up.  Even though she’s a quiet one, she actually came to talk to me about it.  Doesn’t happen often.  We had a chance to talk about her view of relationships and have to say I was delighted to hear her say that she thinks she’s too young to be in any form of committed relationship.  I applauded and agreed with her.  Was a great chance to talk about the nature of relationships.

She criticizes me quite a bit because of my inclination to go to the same restaurants over and over again.  I have my lineup of about 10 places I frequent very regularly.  Sometimes I will order the same thing at the same place.  She cannot stand going to the same place 3 Sundays in a row. It was a perfect opportunity to embed the idea of polyamory.  I reminded her of our arguments over restaurants and asked her to imagine herself at 35, after having been married for 5 years.  I suggested to her that there’s a lot of commonality between sex and food and our attitudes towards them.  So I asked to her to imagine sex and marriage like eating at the same restaurant every day and ordering the same dish every time.  I think that got her attention.  I also reminded her of the many times we have had the conversation about feelings vs. actions and words.  I closed by telling her that at that juncture in her life she will remember her old dad telling her that her feelings will just come, that cute guy at the office will look more and more appealing,  and she will need to decide what to do rationally, painting the canvass of her life with red or blue, her choice.

I agonize over this.  It’s not easy being a parent.  They know the old dad is not your standard dad at the club who plays golf and munches on hamburgers.  I am the mostly vegetarian one who doesn’t drink any alcohol, doesn’t have a lot of friends at the club and has an altar with feathers and crystals in the basement…