I have just returned from a spiritual retreat where we focused on character flaws.  Where to start?  How to distinguish from all the possible culprits?  According to “the system”, my main flaw is my rigidity, my modular view of the world that allows me to have a radical position on everything.  I am impatient, intolerant, angry, when reality deviates from my models.  So I pretend like I am a very deep person and go into my philosophical musings of which there are many in this crazy blog.  I would probably want to be a counselor one day: I could not hold back my opinions on how things “should be” for my clients.

We focused quite a bit on the lighter side of life as well.  It’s very refreshing.  These retreats are a microcosm for an alternative, kinder, more present, loving and spiritual world.  The quality of interaction is quite endearing.  Doesn’t quite get me to the level of emotional ecstasy that my shamanism and crystal work classes do, but it is ultimately pretty uplifting.  A very clear opportunity for learning and growth.  However, they also involve some pretty hard, in-your-face, introspection.  I think one of the missions of this “system” is to make absolutely sure that people like me are reminded that we are not so fabulous in the grand scheme of things and we deserve some reality checks.

The naked truth, dear readers, is that I am not so deep.  In fact in many respects I am quite shallow.  I don’t intend to be so but I just am.  Let me explain.

In my post on sexual energy, I discussed how it arises by interaction.  But I also mention that I get aroused by imagery.  It actually goes much further than just images and therein lies my shallowness.

As a human male, I am convinced that we are programmed to be attracted to very specific shapes in females (and likely vice versa).  Do I need to list them?  There’s all the elements of roundness and symmetry, size, firmness.  Then there’s movement and flow, along with color and decoration, which is why I am not only attracted to the female body but also to the way it’s presented via clothing and makeup.  I get attracted simply by observing geometrical shapes and their presentation and flow, including appropriateness of contextual behavior (such as seeing a woman walk or sit).  Anyone with any doubt about this can google “fetish”.  Can I get attracted to a female without the right geometry?  Dear readers, the honest and sad answer is probably “no”.  Evolutionary psychology explains it as being programmed to detect the right characteristics for procreation and gene preservation.  The geometrical signs are just visual indicators of good fit.

I am a fortunate man in that the range of what’s actually attractive to me geometrically is  pretty wide, unlike (apparently) many of my friends who narrow their range to a torturous self-imposed limit.  That has throughout my life given me the opportunity to “appreciate beauty” where others don’t see it.  That element of shallowness is actually a blessing.

So once the geometry is right, which is probably 90% of the evaluation material, what else is there?  What are the other determinants of attraction?  They are probably shallow intangibles we don’t even think about, such as quality of speech and smell.  That just leaves out licking people to decide if we like how they taste and groping them to make sure we like how they feel to our touch before we’re attracted but I’m sure there are ancestral societies that have gone that far.  And that leaves our capacity to be sexually attracted at the mercy of our senses.

There’s no avoiding it.  As spiritual as we want to be, sex is a very physical act.  And even though “the most important sex organ is the brain”, that brain is perceiving physical attributes first and foremost.  Perception comes through the senses.  Let’s be honest dear readers, fellow human women and men.  Which one of you would like to have sex with a fellow human who’s 3 ft. tall and 600 lbs?  Or emitting the nice aroma of rotten eggs?  Or shrilling at a high pitch that will make your dog keel over?  Or whose skin is as delicate as an edgy tin cabinet?  Or whose lips taste like hydrochloric acid?

My series of “spiritual retreats” is pretty much done.  That’s actually too bad.  Something that is a little different about these is how they blend meditation and buddhism with gestalt psychology, which connects pretty directly with sensual and sexual expression and freedom.  Some of the exercises get very steamy.  There’s a clear opportunity to experiment with attraction.

I loved this retreat.  I threw myself into it with gusto.  I unleashed my playful sensual child.  I came to realize that I have been very focused on reining in my wounded child and letting the responsible adult rule, while I have not let the playful sensual child come out.  That child is shallow.  It dwells in the senses.  It dwells in geometry.